Not long ago I set myself the task of choosing an MLS team to follow as its new season was just beginning. Why you ask? I’m no football expert, I don’t take sport in general particularly seriously. It’s all just a bit of laugh to me but all the good things about football, I love. When people aren’t being yobbos or acting as though it’s life or death, I really do love football. The excitement and local matches that could very easily be a scene from Father Ted.
I simply adore how hilariously serious some people take it; football commentators frustrate me with their constant stating the obvious whole simultaneously giving me endless laughs. More often than not it’s too predictable but when it’s not the results will blow your head off, I live for moments like that – AGUEROOOOOOOO. The beautiful game.
I am also in the unfortunate position of supporting what is probably England’s most hated team. Even as someone who doesn’t know or even care too much about the game I get dog’s abuse from those (awesome) people obsessed with hating Liverpool. I do support Liverpool and I have since before I can even remember. I cried when I saw them win the Champions League, You’ll Never Walk Alone gives me shivers every single time I hear it and not just because it’s such a beautiful song.
My wardrobe used to be filled with their jerseys, no matter how ugly they were, which was often. I’ve since learned how unflattering jerseys really are so I give that a miss these days. The fact that I support Liverpool is actually surprising because I am very much a fan of the underdog and well known for it. Liverpool might be about as exciting as a wet carrot right now but you could never class them as the underdog. I can’t do over my EPL team choice at this stage so here you have why I decided to acquire myself an MLS team.
I want an underdog to root for; to not feel despised and hopefully to not have the face bored off myself. Anyone reading this with a genuine interest in football will not be at all impressed by the selection process, you’ll downright hate it. First came eliminating LA Galaxy because Steven Gerrard isn’t a deciding factor for me, Robbie Keane could have swayed me but no, they’ve proved too successful in recent years. Next was the need to be a little bit crap but not so much so that I’ll live a life of misery following them, ya’ll hear me Fulham fans?
Up for consideration next was a good name, or what I consider to be a good name at least. All United’s and FC’s need not apply. Last of all of came weather conditions; nowhere hot. Sweating is not for winners, or in my case losers. Seattle could have been a good shout especially with all that rain, only they seem to actually be good and I have an irrational, intense dislike for Clint Dempsey. I simply cannot bear to look at that grumpy face.
Canada, hey? I strongly considered Vancouver Whitecaps for a while but sorry guys, you’re just too good for this gal. Thus came my shining light; 9th in the Western Conference and 16th overall! Hoo-ee that stinks, it might just be love. Real Salt Lake. I found my team, lads. They ticks all the boxes, it even has scenic mountain ranges! Because I know how much geographical imagery matters to a football team’s performance, about as much as me finding their name really very nice. I have followed their Twitter and Facebook accounts, that makes me a real fan right? Maybe I’m one of those dreaded bandwagoners so hated by all those oh so true fans, the same fans that are about as much craic as those Liverpool haters. A hobby wouldn’t go amiss.
But anyway, here I am in the land of soccer and hopefully I can look forward to a season disappointed and lording my superiority over all those glory hunters. “WINNING ISN’T EVERYTHING”, I’ll shout. “I HAVE MY INTEGRITY.” I sure do.